


Repression Is Bad For The Soul(Mate)

by allforconniebonacieux



Series: Supercat Week 3 [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Baby!Carter, F/F, Supercat Week, Why is it I always write young Carter and not the young man in the show?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-20 22:26:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10672017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allforconniebonacieux/pseuds/allforconniebonacieux
Summary: Supercat Week 3: FeelingsCat Grant could feel her soulmate, across the universe, until one day she couldn't. It was devastating, but she kept up hope. By the time she could finally feel them again, she didn't feel like feeling much of anything, so blocked it out, ignored their bond. But the universe has other plans because after all, you are destined to meet your perfect match.





	Repression Is Bad For The Soul(Mate)

It was a strange feeling, having your soulmates emotions so intrinsically entwined with your own. Emotions usually came with a bit of context; a stray thought relating to it, maybe a whole thought if it was particularly strong. Nothing was really held back. If they felt joy over passing their high school government final, so did you. If they were worried about their parents fighting about money all the time, you were worried about it too, despite not knowing who exactly Jeff and Debra of _“God Dammit Jeff I told you, we don’t have enough left over in the budget to take everyone to Disneyworld this summer, so why, why is there an invoice for two return flights to Florida?”_ were. 

 

It also meant, that if your soulmate was an alien being evacuated from her planet, minutes before its destruction, you felt loud and clear the pure terror and panic of a young girl losing her entire world. 

 

Cat Grant had just turned eleven when she felt this feeling, and the practising she’d done on sending her own feelings back came in very useful then, as she sent waves of reassurance back, though it obviously couldn’t mask her matching terror. She’d never even met her soulmate, she was too young to lose them now. She’d felt a the panic, the fear, felt the last hug from her soulmates mother, the incomparable grief at the lose of the planet. She felt the gratitude from her soulmate, their last goodbye to her, and then-

 

Nothing.

 

No emotions.

 

Nothing.

 

Cat had read all she could on soulmates before then, and read even more afterwards, sneaking into the the parts of the library she knew would have the real information, not just the cutesy stories found in the kids books. She read that soulmates who died, always, _always_ felt it, felt an emptiness in their chest, a coldness that never quite went away. 

 

She never felt that.

 

It was fuzzy, like static on the TV. 

 

She could still feel her soulmate there, they were just...gone. Absent, but able to return. Her father had laughed when she’d eventually been caught sneaking to those shelves- called it her first step to being a real investigative journalist, entering a restricted zone on the grounds it wasn’t labelled clearly as such. Katherine had other thoughts, and made it clear that Cat’s childish dream of being different from everyone else and her dead soulmate somehow being alive, was exactly that, and was not to be discussed again. The shame of it was tremendous, but she could play it off as a great tragedy, a card to pull out to lure in the son of a wealthy family whose soulmate wasn’t from such a high standing. 

 

Cat’s father had brushed off those ideas, told Cat they would work to find out how it were possible, to keep practicing sending her feelings out, because they didn’t know if it worked both ways. 

 

Over the next few years, father and daughter worked together to investigate the phenomena, and found a team of scientists who suggested that perhaps her soulmate was in a section of space where everything seemed frozen- the Phantom Zone. Cat could tell they didn’t have much hope of her soulmate actually surviving there- their faces were too condescending, as if they were placating a child- but the science seemed true. With an explanation of what had happened, she knew her soulmate was, in some ways, safe. 

 

 

When her father died, she was in her first year of interning at the Daily Planet, and it was bittersweet that just three days later, she suddenly felt the numbness, at least the one she had grown familiar to, lift, replaced by fear and then- relief. Her soulmate was okay. But the ache of her father’s loss filled the ache where the numbness had been, even as her soulmates feelings of wonder at wherever they were, at the very fact they were alive- it was too much for Cat, and she stopped letting them feel her emotions. She couldn’t be happy for them when the only one who’d believed her when she’d insisted her soulmate wasn’t dead, was now gone. It was selfish- she’d heard the loss of their planet, couldn’t pretend she didn’t know. But she just couldn’t deal with it.

She could feel the waves of confusion as her soulmate tried to reach out, but she blocked them all. Eventually her soulmate stopped trying, but that did nothing to lessen Cat’s guilt as some of the more desperate attempts had held thoughts too- not conscious thoughts, that was clear, but somehow that made it worse- whoever they were, wherever they were, they were desperate, trying to find themselves in a new place. It wasn’t just a little bit of guilt- it was huge. Because some of those thoughts had been heartwrenching;

 

_“Kal-El, I don’t understand why I can’t call you that?”_

_“Kal-El, please don’t send me away! I was meant to look after you!”_

_“I wish I could meet you, then I would not feel so alone.”_

 

That last one had been the worst. Whoever Kal-El was, he had somehow taken on a caring role, the reverse of what her soulmate expected, but he had given them up too, rejected them like Cat was. Her soulmate was the sole survivor of an entire culture and it was breaking them. But Cat was stubborn, like her mother, and she pushed down her guilt, pushed away any sympathy, and carried on with her life. It was needlessly cruel- there was no reasonable explanation for it. But CatCo would not build itself. And with simpering fools like Lois Lane using soulmate stories to boost their careers, and the simple misogyny of that Clark Kent could take a months paid leave off for an unknown “emergency”, but Cat hadn’t even been given a full week to grieve and attend her father’s funeral, she needed every advantage she had.

 

All of Katherine’s lobbying for the attention of wealthy men meant it was known enough in some circles her soulmate was gone, leaving her a reputation of heartless because she would never know true love. She pretended though, faked a sort of love well enough that she had Adam, but it was this that led to him being taken away. His father ran off with his department store cashier of a soulmate, and told the divorce judge enough that when he in turn leaked it to the press, everyone knew she was stone cold and didn’t know how to love.

 

She ignored it, and CatCo was built, went worldwide, she became the Queen of All Media, reporting on everything and having unparalled power over the press on not just the West Coast, but eventually the East as well, knocking the Planet and it’s trusty power couple Lois and Clark, with Lois’s “secret” flame Superman as it’s go to head-line, off of the top of the sales lists. 

 

When Carter was born, an attempt at staving the lonliness of not having a soulmate with another lonely soul, she felt that she’d finally proven them all wrong. She did know love, and for the first time in years, she listened for that feeling in her chest, the one that had been ignored for eleven years, and thought, long and hard, and sent out a wave of the joy she was feeling, the awe and the pride, and the unmistakable feeling of defense. No one would harm her precious boy. She’d sent it out and collapsed back in the hospital bed. Years of dissuse meant the pushing of emotional bonds was almost as tiresome as pushing a child out of her body. Almost. 

 

It was a while later, long enough she had resigned herself to the idea that maybe her soulmate had moved on, given up, was also living the lie that their soulmate was dead to fit in and have a chance at love. But she felt it. A hesitant wave back, an acknowledgment practically bursting with happiness. They were happy for her, and they thought he was a beautiful baby. Carefully, now knowing how much energy it would take, she focused her thoughts and sent out

 

_“His name is Carter. After my father. A middle name?”_

A response was sent back:

 

_”My father was called Zor-El and his brother was Jor-El. And my foster father, Jeremiah. Maybe Joel?”_

 

It was nervous almost, but Cat knew that after years of her separating them both, this was the least she could do. Her soulmate could be as much a parent to Carter as she was, if anything because second to him, they held her heart no matter what. That was how the universe worked.

 

As Carter grew, they slowly built their relationship, more and more, Cat sending laughter and joy at the antics of her son, as well as frustration with the inevitable adventurous ambitions of a toddler. Her soulmate sent their own feelings- they had a foster sister who they got on well with, and was in the process of moving to be closer. 

 

It was an unspoken rule of the soulmate bonds- you didn’t tell them who you were. You couldn’t, in fact. It was like speaking down a telephone line during the war- the universe censored any information to specific to who you were. You had to let fate bring you together at the right time. It was maddening, but that was life.

 

When Cat returned to work after her maternity leave, she returned as active CEO and editor in chief at CatCo’s main offices in National City because in her absence all her (barely) capable leading staff had been poached by the Planet, a fact which infuriated her when they had the gall to sign the card Lois sent her, congratulating her on the birth of her son. She couldn’t risk losing the company she’d nearly lost her soulmate over, and so more often than not would bring Carter to work with her. She set up a child pen in the corner, with a bassinet and had her wet bar replaced with wet wipes and brightly coloured plastic....things. 

 

But balancing a child and a multi-million dollar media empire was hard, and as Carter grew and needed more conscious efforts of amusement and playing from a human, she knew she needed to either step down from at least one of her roles, or hire someone to look after him. And seeing as all her competent potential replacements for either job were now slaving away at the planet and writing puff pieces on the Man of Steel's change in suit- now with a lack of outer-underwear- she decided that the second was the way to go. 

 

She placed out an ad, and hid her worry about CatCo’s numbers from her soulmate as best she could, passing it off as worry over Carter’s cough. Weeks went by, and no suitable nanny had been found. She was drafting up her resignation letter, trying to push a few flimsy potential candidates to be better, to at least have a replacement picked on her terms in the immediate time after she left, and was on her final day of interviews. Her soulmate had also been quiet- worries over career planning was the response she’d got, and she sent reassurances as best she could. She wondered idly if the universe liked the symmetry of both soulmates having trouble career-wise. She glanced at the clock. 10:15. One of the last few applicants. She felt more nerves bubble up from her soulmate and sent a return of confidence. 

 

She heard them come in and gasp softly at the sight of Carter in the corner. Cat sighed. What was it with millennials and cooing over everything small thing that crawled and or had fur?

 

“Why are you special, 10:15, and don’t give me any of that millennial nonsense about growing up knowing the importance of hard work and sharing. I’m his mother, I want someone who will be able to look after him, even if that means throwing yourself in front of a bus to protect him. So, why are you special?”

 

“Oh, me. Oh, uh, I’m not. Special. I’m not special, I mean.” The girl laughed, and Cat looked up to properly scare this...child into the real world. But she didn’t. Because she looked up, into the eyes of her soulmate. It was like a flash from the heavens. The universe aligning and the secrets of it making sense. She dared a glance at the resume in front of her.

 

Kara Danvers.

 

Well then. 

 

“You understand, I can’t actually hire you now?” Kara shrugged.

 

“Yeah. But I can pick you up for a date later can’t I? Carter included of course.” She smiled hopefully, waved at the infant, who was seemingly entranced by her (Cat knew the feeling), and Cat nodded, still shocked from finally, _finally_ meeting her soulmate. Her father would be proud she noted, as she looked again at the resume in front of her. The amount of degrees she had was nearly unbelievable, even with the knowledge of her different planet of origin, but she also apparently had interned or worked for L Corp, Wayne Enterprises and Prince Industries, well. It made her wonder why she’d responded to the ad for a nanny.

 

“Ms. Grant?” Kara looked at her with concern, as insecurity and worry rolled off her in waves she was clearly trying to hold back.

 

“Hmm? Oh, yes.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“The date. I’m trying to get Carter onto a regular sleeping pattern again, so he’s usually in bed by seven.” Kara brightened immediately, feeling Cat’s own excitement even as she hid a smile.

 

“Great! I’ll plan everything, don’t worry about it- just have you and our boy ready by five thirty- at the latest! I can feel those late nights, they aren’t good for either of you.” Cat chuckled at the admonishment. 

 

“I’ll try. I’ll see you then, Kara.” Kara beamed, and waved goodbye to Carter, who gurgled in response, then practically skipped out of the office, drawing the attention of the bullpen as they wondered what exactly had happened that Cat would hire someone who acted like that. They saw her smiling with an absent expression, but as they began to speculate she came back to the present and quickly glared at them all. “I don’t pay you all to blabber like the pre-schoolers my son is smarter than, back to work.” They hurried to it, as Cat tried to focus once more on her work.

 

She felt a few nudging waves of happiness from Kara and couldn’t resist sending some back. She called him “our boy”. That was definitely a good sign. They would have to discuss Kara’s state of employment soon, and how they would fit their lives together, but overall she had to say, the universe had certainly been in her favour when creating her match. She glanced over at Carter, who stopped gumming his hand to smile at her, childish glee filling his face. 

 

“She’s not half bad, is she Carter? We’ve done well haven’t we?”

 

He screeched in response and waved his arms. She chuckled. 

 

Yes, they certainly had.

**Author's Note:**

> I fucked up the timeline- basically I don’t even know. Kara arrives when Cat is early/mid twenties, Adam is born maybe three years later? Carter another eight after that? So Kara is on Earth for eleven years- making her twenty-four when Carter is born.
> 
> I didn't have internet, so couldn't post it last night, and I may be behind on the rest of the week because it's my mum's birthday tomorrow and we have preparations, plus homework. Yay.


End file.
